Steaks Unlimited

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oh my husband he’s gonna leave me for sure

he just rolled his eyes when I brought this little

guy home I nursed him for three weeks and I

don’t give a damn if they’re not legal that’s right

this state has a law against them but what am I

gonna do give this guy away wait here I’ll show

you he’s the most adorable thing they’re nocturnal

perfect for my schedule I get home at three and

we hang out while my husband sleeps here that’s

Opie wait let me raise the brightness alright look

at his nose isn’t he the cutest there’re these entire

opossum message boards I discovered when I

brought him home I’m not alone I tell my husband

I found this sketch doctor up north he gave Opie

all his shots he’s what I come home to after shifts

now that’s actually when I first found him like at

three AM after work I had had a few drinks in me

but I was good to drive and on the highway I see

him on the shoulder and I immediately stop I can’t

leave him like that he’d clearly been hit and I’m

finding towels and whatever else I can when this

car pulls over behind me and this guy gets out and

I’m a blond who works at a bar I know a drunk guy

when I see one and so this guy starts asking me if

I need any help I say no but he’s getting closer and

closer and I have Opie wrapped in blankets in my

arms at this point so I decide to turn around and

show him what I’m holding and I shit you not he

raises his finger in the air like this and starts backing

up and saying you stay away from me and he gets

right back in his car do you believe that I finally

found a drunk guy repellent so that’s why you can’t

tell anyone about him or the state will take him

away the state’s got rules for everything you have

to pay to get onto the beach for heaven’s sake

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