1 poem by Oli Wiggins

10 things you should probably know about me before you sleep over at my house

 

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1. I am a nocturnal mountain troll. I will stay up later than you.

don’t try to fight it.

it’s not my fault that the sun sings me lullabies

and the moon sings me circa 2008 punk pop.

 

2. I will at some point offer to steal my mom’s car

so we can get really unhealthy food at a very unreasonable hour.

Please don’t let me.

 

3. I will make you stay up just so I can finish whipping your ass

in a game of Harry Potter trivia.

and after you fall asleep I’m probably going to challenge my own knowledge.

 

4. I will always offer the bigger couch.

partly because I want to be a good host,

but mainly because the smaller couch makes me curl up into a smaller ball.

Contracting knees into chest,

arm onto arm,

body into body until I become less than one.

 

5. At 1 o’clock I will believe in faerie tales and magic and fate

and my eyes will become galaxies.

At 2 o’clock I will want to die.

And I will not wake you up.

Darling, letting my walls down is not easy.

I’ve built a house around my emotions so they can stay inside.

When my words try to come out, they will die in the graveyard of my throat.

The only words that can escape are

“I’m fine”

and

“I’m sorry”

 

6. If it’s cold, I will probably put on my bathrobe.

I will tie the belt around my waist twice, because once isn’t enough.

Once and I can still feel my stomach jiggle.

Once and inhaling will not hurt,

I will not feel pain for existing.

Once and I might forget I have a body that takes up space.

Once, and looking in a mirror will make me feel ashamed.

 

7. I might fall asleep around 4 am

but then I will hear my dad leave for work around 6:30 which means

 

8. I will sleep for maybe 3 hours

and spend most of the night watching infomercials,

too frozen in place to reach for the remote.

Because 4, I am a trapped in a half shell of a body,

remember?

Crying partly because I’m yawning

and partly because even the strongest dams have to let some water through.

 

9. I will want to wake you up.

I will want to tell you how I feel

but then all I will feel is sorry for disturbing your sleep, so

 

10. I will wait for you to wake up.

I will make coffee and

waffles in my Cinderella waffle maker.

I will tell you about the dreams I had.

Either last night,

or a few years ago.

I don’t remember.

And once you go home to start a new day,

I will lay down

and sleep.