1 prose poem by Sarah Jane Barry

How to live your best life when your house is a Gingerbread House

 

Hello everyone! Please behold my beautiful gingerbread house that I keep in my rented apartment, because I will never own a home I can live inside of.

I knew I never wanted a large place. I was willing to settle on a micro-home or even a one-story. Never would I have guessed that my walls would be insulated with cream cheese frosting.

There are lots of ideas on Pinterest for interior decor when your walls are made of graham crackers. Forget that ugly, dated popcorn ceiling you had growing up. Your ceilings can be covered in actual popcorn because the address you imagined growing old in is actually just a
snack in the shape of a house.

Pros and cons to living in a Gingerbread house:

Pro: Delicious walls
Con: Sugar Taxes

Pro: No mortgage
Con: Very little to no rent from insect tenants

Pro: Flag pole can be a candy cane
Con: Finding a flag that small

Pro: Eco-friendly
Pro: House too small to be found by the coupon paper man

Pro: Gumdrop bushes
Con: Gumdrop bushes

Con: Your house is a fucking cookie

Con: Kids stop to eat your shutters
Pro: I think legally you get to cook and eat them

Entertaining in your gingerbread home is a breeze. Just glue on a few peppermints with icing and you’re ready for the holidays.

St. Patrick’s day on the way? Sprinkle your front step with lucky charms.

Your aunt’s city smells like Cheerios? Well your whole house smells like cereal, and your driveway, and your car is cereal too I’m so sorry.

Now you can be a homeowner even if you were born after 1980!