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Sarah Jean Alexander is an American writer from Baltimore. She is the author of Wildlives (Big Lucks Books, 2015) and LOUD IDIOTS (Second Books, 2016) and has been featured in the Quietus, the Fader, Noisey, Dazed Digital, Lenny Letter and other places online and in print. She is the poetry editor of Shabby Doll House and tweets @sarahjeanalex.

1 Poem by Sarah Jean Alexander



When I tell my friends that I had cartoon crushes as a child, they appear supportive at
first. I say Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon, and everyone voices their agreement. I say
Dimitri from Anastasia, and a few people nod. I say Phil from Rugrats, and the silence
that follows seems like a punishment.

After a few seconds of feeling like the world’s largest asshole, I excuse myself, grab the
last Bud Light Lime in the fridge and begin walking home in the dark. I turn the volume
of my podcast up, and start humming the National Anthem over the voices of the two
men speaking to each other.

I get really soulful with it and start using dramatic hand gestures and arm movements
because it seems funny in a way that mocks this country, or that’s what my father says.

When I finish the last, drawn out note, I celebrate by finishing the Bud Light Lime, slam
dunking the bottle into a street corner trash can, missing it somehow even though I
touched the trash can with my hand, slam dunking it again, successfully this time, and
receiving a drinking citation from a police officer that I didn’t realize had been following
me because I was busy concentrating on hitting every note in the Star Spangled Banner.

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