by Tanya Azari
Tanya Azari is an MFA candidate in Creative Writing (Poetry) at NYU. They have been published in 7x7, Drunk in a Midnight Choir, Words Dance, Tinderbox Poetry Journal, and elsewhere. Tanya currently lives, writes, and bikes in Los Angeles, where they also teach flying trapeze classes. Their work can be found at azarinotsorry.com/.
"be picky, be patient"
looking at a man masturbating on the train and thinking about my loneliness. what else is new? let me know if you have any tips on enduring the shame of never having been loved. heard your sabbatical from low self-esteem worked out pretty well. still, retiring from the whole “human condition” thing might be my best choice. do you think a smaller bed frame might make me happy? please write back soon, the third rail has started to hum.
eating goji berries in the walk-in freezer
and i don’t think i will ever love you. so,
don't worry. no more hand on your forearm,
no more diptych of me next to you at the sink.
could’ve sworn we’d be fucking in the single-stall
by the second week. knew where all the cameras were
before your middle name. or your girlfriend’s.
never let myself second-guess that you wanted me
anyway. learned eye contact. thought about you
on the Expo train (when i could have been
writing poetry. a shame). still waiting for you to unhappen
to me. still expecting you to be there when i turn,
a new bruise on your body and tongue tucked
in your cheek. won’t forget how when you left
you left nothing behind, save me with my heat
pressed against the edge of a Santa Monica sink.