by Vivian Medithi
Vivian Medithi is an iowa-via-los-angeles writer and editor working in d.c. their work has previously appeared in the guardian, ampersand, 1833.fm, newhive, and the atlas. for the full experience, find their tweets @perlucidum.
a geometric proof in 19 theorems
1. you curved the fuck out of me when you said "i only ever approached this as friends" and we both knew that was a lie but i respected the curve and tbh i think i did a pretty decent job
2. i would've been your friend no sexual tension or anything. fr. you are so interesting and fun and inspiring. you're a real dynamo. your presence in my life alone would've been more than enough
3. you reescalated to partial nudes, then said "i hope i didn't bore you :-(" re:flirting knowing damn well you curved me. i doubt you did it intentionally, but that's textbook playing games and i don't play games.
4. my intentions have been pretty clear from the jump: i think you're cute and cool and i want your tongue in my mouth if that's something you're down for.
5. when we talked in june i clearly said "i need a certain level of emotional intimacy after flirting" and i respect that that's hard for you, but i felt like you weren't trying which made me feel like i don't matter to you and i hate that.
6. i fully own that i'm emotionally intense as fuck. that's kind of my bit.
7. i accept that you're not a very emotional person. that's kind of your bit.
8. i don't care that our styles don't mesh; i care that you refused to budge at all even as you contacted me every day.
9. i strongly feel like you don't care about me or my feelings. it makes being vulnerable in any regard with you excruciating.
10. i don't want to feel guarded around you but i also don't feel like i can trust you.
11. if i can't be fully myself around you, and vice versa, and we can't mutually support each others' growth, i want us to stay the fuck away from each other.
12. i never expected to see you again after april and that'll probably hold true.
13. i'm sorry for picking a fight but i'm allowed to be upset when i feel like you're taking me for granted and neglected and sometimes not doing anything hurts just as bad as doing very little.
14. you commented on me nearly naked on IG and then i slid in your dms on some aggressive flirting shit. don't tell me you didn't have any kind of intent or plans when you reciprocated interest and started talking daddy kinks and defining love.
15. sometimes i feel like you never liked me in any way, just how i made you feel and how interesting it is to watch my brain work
16. i doubt you'll respond to this, or even read it, but at least it'll be off my chest.
17. i know you're gonna thrive and prosper without me. i know you aren't religious but i'll hit you with a benediction tomorrow because i want you protected.
18. i wish i could be what you want/need me to be but i don't think i can.
19. i never wanted you to be anything but yourself.